Robert A. Johnson and the Myth of Romantic Love

Romantic love has long been idealised in Western culture.  It’s been depicted as an all-consuming force, a fated union, or the ultimate fulfillment of one’s self.  Johnson’s We was published in 1983, a time when Western society was renegotiating the meaning of commitment, gender roles, and self-fulfillment.  In his book, Johnson uses the medieval myth of Tristan and Iseult to demonstrate how our culture has absorbed a model of love that is not necessarily grounded in partnership or reality.  Instead, he argues, it is an appropriation of spiritual love, and models a projected idealisation where the beloved becomes the vessel for the lover’s anima or animus.

The Anima and Animus

Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and psychologist who trained under Freud, and who founded analytical psychology.  According to Jung, the anima (in men) and the animus (in women) are inner archetypes that live within all of us that represent an unconscious feminine or masculine aspects of the psyche.  When individuals fall “in love”, it is Jung’s claim that this process involves the projection of these unconscious and ideal models onto the beloved.  This projection creates the intensity of early-stage romance, but is also the source of inevitable disappointment when the real human being cannot live up to the divine ideal, and when the reality of a relationships sets in.

This framework radically shifts the way we understand the highs and lows of romantic love.  Rather than interpreting infatuation and disillusionment as personal failures, Jungian theory encourages us to see them as natural psychological events and rituals that spur individuation and force us to face ourselves, and the reality of who our partners are in their own individual right.

Expanded Jungian Context: Anima, Animus, and Individuation

Carl Jung’s famous and impactful theories on the anima and animus are rooted in his broader theory of individuation, which is the process by which, over a lifetime, a person integrates unconscious aspects of their self to become a whole and integrated person.  The anima and animus that lie unconscious in the psyche, also serve as bridges to the unconscious, when these aspects of the person surface in dreams, fantasies, and romantic attraction.

Some Examples

The anima is not just the “feminine energy” inside of every man, but a composite of all of that man’s experiences with the feminine, including his mother, sisters, lovers, female friends, as well collective impressions from cultural female archetypes absorbed in his generational timeframe, for a modern example: from media.  Likewise, the animus in women often embodies cultural values of masculinity, internalised authority figures, and male counterparts from personal experience.

Jung argued that, true romantic partnership is only possible when individuals become conscious of these inner ideals, rather than blindly projecting them onto a partner and expecting them to be a replica of these ideals.  Until this conscious awareness arises, romantic love will alternatively feel euphoric but ultimately disappointing and confusing when reality hits home.  For members of the WTWildThings community seeking committed, conscious, sustainable love, this insight encourages inner work for us, as a prerequisite and tool for lasting external connection with loved ones.

The Evolution of Romantic Love in Western Thought

Robert Johnson’s book was part of a wider movement to rethink love.  Earlier in the 20th century, Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving (1956) argued that love is not a feeling, but an action that is a discipline requiring effort, knowledge, and maturity.  Fromm warned against the commodification of love in capitalist societies, where romantic connection is often mistaken for consumption or possession.

Later works like Love and Limerence (1979) by Dorothy Tennoy added psychological depth by introducing the concept of limerence which is an addictive state of intense infatuation, obsessive thinking, and emotional dependency.  Tennoy’s work was one of the first to differentiate between passionate, involuntary romantic attraction and sustainable long-term love.

In more recent decades with the advance of neuroscience and neuroimaging, psychologists like Dr. Helen Fisher and Dr. Arthur Aron have added empirical grounding to the work of Tennoy.  Fisher’s neuroimaging studies have shown that romantic love activates brain reward systems, specifically the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and the caudate nucleus, that are regions also involved in addiction.  This helps explain why early love can feel like a dopamine-fueled euphoric rollercoaster, and why heartbreak can feel as painful and desperate as drug withdrawal.

Love as a Psychological Mirror

Romantic love, from a psychological standpoint, acts as a mirror reflecting our deepest needs, wounds, and unfulfilled desires.  Today, the popular John Bowlby’s attachment theory for instance, provides a robust framework for understanding love within a developmental context that is deeply influenced by early childhood relationships that shape adult intimacy.  For example, people with insecure attachment styles such as anxious or avoidant, often experience difficulty in romantic relationships, with behavioural patterns marked by cycles of clinginess, emotional distance, which are often connected to fear of abandonment.

For another example, disorganised attachment, which is often a result from trauma and / or inconsistent developmental caregiving, adds greater complexity to this picture.  Interestingly, relationship expert, Adam Lane Smith argues that this attachment type can retain a certain allure and can develop unique strengths when these people pursue healing.

The Psychology of Love in Drama and Art

Beyond clinical psychology, romantic love has been a central theme in Western art, drama, and literature.  From Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet to tales imbedded in modern music and romantic comedies, the archetypes of forbidden love, tragic passion, and redemptive union play out again and again through time.

These stories serve a dual role: while they entertain, they also encode and reflect psychological truths.  In myth and art, love often involves trials, sacrifice, and transformation, which is precisely what Jung refers to in hid theories on the individuation process in Jungian psychology.  As Johnson suggested, these stories are not just fiction; they are psychic blueprints of our collective psyche and are useful tools for navigating the highs and lows of loves dopamine-fueled rollercoaster rides.

Practical Applications for WTWildThings Members

For members in the WTWildThings community who are active and driven individuals with passion for growth and discipline, understanding the psychological dimensions of romantic love can be a game changer.  Love is not solely about chemistry or shared interests, it is also about projection and expectations that come from within the individual that are sometimes unrealistic.  The path to real love is an opportunity to involve deep inner growth that stems from honest self-reflection and shadow work, and the integration of the deeper unconscious selves that lie within us all.

Key takeaways:

• Self-awareness is key: Recognising your own projections (anima/animus) can reduce disappointment in relationships
• Secure relationships are built, not found: Attachment styles can change through conscious effort and healing
• Romantic attraction is not always a sign of compatibility: Limerence can feel intoxicating but it fades quickly and reality comes eventually
• Great love requires individuation: Only by becoming whole in yourself can you truly meet another.

References:

• Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books
• Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006). “Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice.” The Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493(1), 58–62
• Fromm, E. (1956). The Art of Loving. Harper & Row
• Johnson, R. A. (1983). We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love. HarperOne
• Jung, C. G. (1968). Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self. Princeton University Press
• Smith, A. L. (2021). Various online talks and writings on attachment and healing (AdamLaneSmith.com)
• Tennov, D. (1979). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Scarborough House